Listening to: Silence
Drinking: Sunny D
Well im in the mood to let whats on my mind out i don't do that often, not a lot of people wanna listen to my crap but it helps to at least write it down.
Lately ive been working out getting a lot of exercise try to become more healthy, lose weight ext. tho i have had a bit of bottled up feelings, i have personal demons as everyone does, things in the closet you cant clean out that are a bit more permanent then even the paint on the wall, if that makes sense?
There are some insecurity's i have , little things that bother me when they shouldn't things i feel i may never get over but believe me when i say i wish i could, i cant stand it eating away at me in some situations.
the worst thing that happens to me when im upset is this "bad" feeling the feeling some people get when they have a sense that something isn't right, just mine kinda twists up in my stomach leaving me nauseous and worried as hell as to what will happen next, its a pain in the ass.
a lot of the stupid insecurity's i have is caused from my past, old experiences that still haunt me even today, the thing is i don't no how to change that, i don't no how to change myself from feeling the way i do when things come up or if something i don't like happens.
the moral of this i guess is i hope that someday soon i can wake up and see what i truly want, start doing things properly and stop dwelling on the pain of my past that haunts me to this day with the present, the trouble is i need to find a way to start getting better and stop pulling the ones i love down with me when im feeling shitty.
perhaps realize what is best for me rather than others, take chances, give things a try i wouldn't normally, like getting off warcraft and getting more fresh air haha.
i need to search deep to see what i want
what i need..
what will help me..
and those i care about....
i need to finally get rid of the pain and be the happy me i once was..
i just feel like sometimes i need a hand..
someone to help me out of this maze..
cuz right now its to hard to figure out on my own...